The Marginalian
The Marginalian

On Consolation: Notes on Our Search for Meaning and the Antidote to Resignation

On Consolation: Notes on Our Search for Meaning and the Antidote to Resignation

The thing about life is that it happens, that we can never unhappen it. Even forgiveness, for all its elemental power, can never bend the arrow of time, can only ever salve the hole it makes in the heart. Despair, which visits upon everyone fully alive, is simply the reflexive tremor of resignation in the face of life’s irremediable happening. “There is no love of life without despair of life,” Albert Camus wrote — a simple equation, the mathematics of which we spend our lives learning. Consolation is the abacus on which we learn it — this small and mighty act of resistance to resignation, this tender reach for meaning when the impartial hand of chance snatches from us what we hold dear.

Two decades ago, when I first began writing what would become The Marginalian, it was purely a reach for consolation. (In some fundamental ways, it still is.) Struggling materially and spiritually to make a new life in a new country, barely out of my teens and haunted by a childhood far from felicitous, I found myself longing for assurance from those who have lived through despair before — all the millennia of them who loved and lost and sang and sorrowed, this common record of resilience, this immense open palm of grace against the unfeeling fist of reality.

This too is what Michael Ignatieff seeks in On Consolation: Finding Solace in Dark Times (public library) — his search for that eternal lifeline of assurance across two millennia of lives, from those who wrote overtly about the problem of being alive to those who tried to solve it with their living and their art, from Montaigne and Camus to Gustav Mahler and Anna Akhmatova.

Art by Valerio Vidali from The Shadow Elephant by Nadine Robert — a tender modern fable about what it takes to unblue our sorrows

Often, we understand what something is by touching its limits. Visiting an old friend who had recently lost his wife, Ignatieff finds him “truly inconsolable,” his grief so immense and ineffable that the language between them trails off into silence, his friend’s pain “a deep solitude that cannot be shared.” He reflects:

To understand consolation, it is necessary to begin with the moments when it is impossible.

And yet something in us — some restive reflex of survival, some stubborn uprising of the soul — presses forth, insisting on the possibility, the imperative of living. Defining consolation as “an argument about why life is the way it is and why we must keep going,” Ignatieff writes:

Console. It’s from the Latin consolor, to find solace together. Consolation is what we do, or try to do, when we share each other’s suffering or seek to bear our own. What we are searching for is how to go on, how to keep going, how to recover the belief that life is worth living.

For millennia, that belief was the domain of religion, with its promises of salvation in another world to recompense our suffering in this one. But because belief, unlike truth, is not something for which the test of reality can provide binary verification or falsification, there are many true paths to the same belief. To find consolation “we do not have to believe in God,” Ignatieff writes, “but we do need faith in human beings and the chain of meanings we have inherited.” Tracing that chain from the Roman Stoics (“who promised that life would hurt less if we could learn how to renounce the vanity of human wishes”) to Montaigne and Hume (“who questioned whether we could ever discern any grand meaning for our suffering”) to us, he contrasts the consolations of philosophy with those of religion to offer a foothold amid the quicksand of despair:

These thinkers also gave voice to a passionate belief that religious faith had missed the most crucial source of consolation of all. The meaning of life was not to be found in the promise of paradise, nor in the mastery of the appetites, but in living to the full every day. To be consoled, simply, was to hold on to one’s love of life as it is, here and now.

Discus chronologicus — a German depiction of time from the early 1720s, included in Cartographies of Time. (Available as a print and as a wall clock.)

Paradoxically, the central challenge of consolation is how to inhabit the here and now without being petrified in a perpetual present. There is a great loneliness to our private suffering and it is largely a loneliness in time, for suffering makes of us castaways on an island of now, so barren and inhospitable that we cease being able to see the horizon of then. This is why when it feels impossible to look forward, it is salutary to look back — to the pasts of whose possible future the present is the living proof, to the people who too felt their suffering was unsurvivable and yet went on living anyway. Ignatieff writes:

To see ourselves in the light of history is to restore our connection to the consolations of our ancestors and to discover our kinship with their experience… Consolation is an act of solidarity in space — keeping company with the bereaved, helping a friend through a difficult moment; but it is also an act of solidarity in time — reaching back to the dead and drawing meaning from the words they left behind… These works help us find words for what is wordless, for experiences of isolation that imprison us in silence.

Because consolation is the antipode of resignation, which is a species of cynicism about possibility, and because hope is the antipode of cynicism, consolation and hope are inseparable:

The essential element of consolation is hope: the belief that we can recover from loss, defeat, and disappointment, and that the time that remains to us, however short, offers us possibilities to start again, failing perhaps, but as Beckett said, failing better. It is this hope that allows us, even in the face of tragedy, to remain unbowed.

[…]

There are some losses that are irremediable; some experiences from which we cannot fully recover; some scars that heal but do not fade. The challenge of consolation in our times is to endure tragedy, even when we cannot find a meaning for it, and to continue living in hope.

Card from An Almanac of Birds: 100 Divinations for Uncertain Days, also available as a stand-alone print and as stationery cards.

And yet, Ignatieff concludes, however much assurance we may find in those who lived before us, in the end — as we all eventually discover — “each one of us must create for ourselves the purpose and hope to sustain us.” He charts this creative act of the spirit:

Consolation is both a conscious process by which we seek meaning for our losses and at the same time a deeply unconscious undertaking, in the recesses of our souls, in which we recover hope. It is the most arduous but also the most rewarding work we do, and we cannot escape it. We cannot live in hope without reckoning with death, or with loss and failure.

[…]

In the stages of recovery that follow, you begin with self-pity, until it dawns on you that there are many worse things in life. In the next stage, you tell yourself that you gave it your best, though it remains painful to admit that your best wasn’t nearly good enough. Then you try to let it all go, only to discover that there isn’t a day when you don’t wish you had been less naive and self-deceiving. But at the end of this journey, you finally understand… that you have to take ownership of the entire person you once were, take some pride in what you tried to do, and take responsibility only for those portions of your failure that were yours alone. In this slow, circuitous, barely conscious way, you come to be consoled.

Consolation, of course, is never permanent, always needs to be reinforced and reimagined if it is to keep sustaining and centering us, for in each of us there is a pendulum that keeps swinging between hope and despair. The deepest consolation is found when we cease identifying with the pendulum and remember that we are time itself, in the hands of which no state is permanent and no feeling final.

Card from An Almanac of Birds: 100 Divinations for Uncertain Days, also available as a stand-alone print and as stationery cards.
BP

Change, Presence, and the Imperative of Self-Renewal: Existential Lessons from Islands

“No man is an island,” John Donne wrote in his timeless ode to our shared human experience. And yet each of us is a chance event islanded in time; in each of us there is an island of solitude so private and remote that it renders even love — this best means we have of reaching across the abyss between us — a mere row-boat launched into the turbulent waters of time and chance from another island just as remote.

Perhaps because we live with such inner islandness, islands became our earliest theoretical models of the universe and we came to envision utopia as an “island where all becomes clear.” Islands remain our best metaphors for knowledge and for self-knowledge. Islands are where we go to find our depths and our limits. They are the porcupine dilemma rendered in rock and water, teaching us something essential about negotiating the balance between sovereignty and connection.

Island universes from Thomas Wright’s 1750 book An Original Theory or New Hypothesis of the Universe. (Available as a print and as stationery cards.)

Artist and poet (in the largest sense) Sandy Gingras celebrates the many dimensions and delights of islands in her illustrated love letter How To Live on an Island (public library).

Prefacing her short illustrated instructions for being a good citizen of such a self-contained world — “walk tender,” “leave no wake,” “thank” — she writes:

I think that there’s no truer place than an island. Whether it’s a sandbar or a bubble-up of volcanic rock or a jut of tropical coral, an island stands only by some whim of fate, given a chancy foothold among the chaos. When I go to an island, I know that I’m in that state of grace in which anything can happen.

There’s an island near where I live that keeps disappearing underwater and then reappearing again every few decades… I like to go out there and just stand on it. It almost convinces me that there is such a place as the present.

Map from Insularium illustratum by Henricus Martellus Germanus, 1495 — an early descriptive atlas of island maps. (Available as a print and as stationery cards.)

Once, in the wake of a great upheaval of the heart, I moved to a remote mossy island to live for a time in solitude, to try to escape the grip of the past and find my foothold on the future. Instead, like Gingras, I found the present expanding. I found that change can be not just a vector of time but a point in place — here was a small station of land never in stasis, no hour of sunshine safe from a sudden storm, no forest trail the same from one day to the next, no beach stone unchurned from one tide to the next. I came to see the island as a daily defiance of entropy, a lesson in the imperative of self-renewal.

With an eye to this salutary elasticity of being an island models for us captives of habit, Gingras writes:

Each day starts washed, swept, utterly different than the day before. The morning crackles like a never-turned page. Where else in the world do we get the chance to step out into so much renewal? Where else do we keep getting second chances at ourselves?

A single day on an island is a microcosm of that irrepressible aliveness:

The ground shifts and hisses, the boundaries grow and recede. The tides yearn. The moon pulls. The very air pushes us around. I can’t help but know that a day here is not that grounded predictable thing I thought (sometimes hoped) it was, but it’s as swervy and alive as we are.

Complement with Anne Morrow Lindbergh on the beach and the soul and artist Rockwell Kent’s magnificent meditation on creativity drawn from seven months on a small Alaskan island, then revisit Oliver Sacks on the dignity of difference lensed through the peculiar genetic mutation evolution developed on a remote Pacific island.

BP

Forgiveness

Shortly after I began the year with some blessings, a friend sent me Lucille Clifton’s spare, splendid poem “blessing the boats.” We had met at a poetry workshop and shared a resolution to write more poetry in the coming year, so we began taking turns each week choosing a line from a favorite poem to use as a joint prompt. (The wonderful thing about minds, about the dazzling variousness of them, is what different things can bloom in them from the same seed.)

I had been thinking about forgiveness — about its quiet power to dislodge the lump of blame from the thorax of time and fill the lung of life with the oxygen of the possible, about how you bless your own life when you forgive your mother, forgive your father, forgive the person for whom your love was not enough, forgive the person for whom your love was too much, forgive yourself, over and over and over.

This is the poem that unfolded in me from Clifton’s opening line, read here by Nick Cave (who has written beautifully about self-forgiveness and who sparked my season of blessings by taking me to church, for the first time, the morning of my fortieth birthday).

FORGIVENESS
by Maria Popova

May the tide
never tire of its tender toil
how over and over
it forgives the Moon
the daily exile
and returns to turn
mountains into sand
         as if to say,
you too can have
this homecoming
you too possess
this elemental power
of turning
the stone in the heart
into golden dust.

BP

How to Make America Great: A Visionary Manifesto from the Woman Who Ran for President in 1872

In 1872, half a century before American women could vote, Victoria Woodhull (September 23, 1838–June 9, 1927) ran for President, with Frederick Douglass as her running mate.

Papers declared her candidacy “a brazen imposture, to be extinguished by laughter rather than by law.”

People — working-class people, people of color, people relegated to the margins of their time and place — clamored to hear her speak, rose up in standing ovation by the thousands, cried and cheered.

Victoria Woodhull by Mathew Brady, 1870

Born in Ohio to an illiterate mother and an alcoholic father who made a living by selling $1 bottles of opiate-laden “Life Elixir,” Victoria was named for the English Queen coronated the year she entered the world as the seventh of ten children, four of whom would not survive childhood. At eleven, when her father’s schemes ran the family into bankruptcy, she was forced to leave school after only three years of education. At fourteen, having been belted and starved all her childhood, she fled her father’s brutality in a desperate marriage to her 28-year-old physician, only to discover that he too was an alcoholic and a philanderer. Still in her teens, she bore two children — a son with developmental disabilities and a daughter whose delivery her husband so mishandled that both mother and baby almost bled to death.

Like Hildegard of Bingen, like Joan of Arc, like many people of uncommon strength and vision who have had to survive uncommon trials of circumstances, Victoria came to believe — had to believe — that she was guided and protected by the spirits. When her husband’s alcoholism became so disabling that it fell on her to support the family, she began working as a spiritual healer. As she traveled across America, she began to see the scale and depth of the suffering from which most people chose to avert their eyes — the pain of the enslaved, the struggle of the working class, the domestic enslavement of women’s minds and bodies, the syphoning of children’s souls by an education system that excluded most.

Solar system quilt from the same era, which another extraordinary woman spent seven years making to teach women astronomy before higher education was available to them.

Eventually, Victoria managed to divorce her husband — something so scandalous in her era that it would later lead tabloids to headline her “The Prostitute Who Ran for President.” She continued to work as a healer, remarried, and used her income to open a Wall Street brokerage firm with her sister. At thirty-two, Victoria Woodhull became America’s first female stock broker.

She began publishing a weekly paper to advance the ideals of the suffrage and antislavery movements. But half a century after Mary Shelley insisted that “it is by words that the world’s great fight, now in these civilized times, is carried on,” Woodhull saw that words alone were not enough to write the history of the future.

She decided to run for President.

Central to her campaign were ideas an epoch ahead of their time. In a century when only four women obtained a divorce in all of England, she insisted that in America love should be “unbiased by any enacted law or standard of public opinion,” that neither social norms nor government regulation should tamper with the freedom to marry and to divorce. In an age when maternity was considered the fulfillment of a woman’s destiny, she declared it another form of slavery and insisted that women must never “give the control of their maternal functions over to anybody,” much less the government. “It is a fearful responsibility with which women are entrusted by nature,” she wrote in what stands as a founding credo of reproductive rights, “and the very last thing that they should be compelled to do is to perform the office of that responsibility against their will, under improper conditions or by disgusting means.”

Months before the election, Woodhull published a 39-page manifesto reclaiming the real meaning of equality, justice, and freedom. On its pages, she cautioned that the young dream of democracy was already slipping into a trance of authoritarianism — a rule of law seemingly chosen by the people, but in fact the product of coercive control and manipulation by a new breed of money-men who capitalize on human vulnerability and fear. True freedom, she argued, has never existed for individuals — in all systems of government thus far, “grades and castes of people have built themselves, the stronger upon the weaker, and the people as individuals have never appeared upon the surface.”

She writes:

There has never been such a thing as freedom for the people. It has always been concession by the government. There has never been an equality for the people. It has always been the stronger, in some sense, preying upon the weaker; and the people have never had justice. When there is authority, whether it be of law, of custom, or of individuals, neither of these can exist except in name. Neither do these principles apply to the people in their collective capacity but when the people’s time shall come they will belong to every individual separately.

This revolution would come about by a “double process,” yet unfinished — “the consolidation of nations into races, and the redistribution of power to the people.” She prophesies:

These two processes will continue until both are complete — until all nations are merged into races, and all races into one government; and until the power is completely and equally returned to all the people, who will no longer be denominated as belonging to this or that country or government, but as citizens of the world — as members of a common humanity.

America, she insists, is uniquely poised for the completion of this process. In it are the kindling and the spark of “the impending revolution” to benefit all of humanity:

As in this country the future race of the world is being developed, so also will the foundation of the future government be developed, which shall become universal… And that revolution will be the final and the ultimate contest between justice and authority, in which the latter will be crushed, never again to raise its despotic head among and to divide the members of a common humanity.

Such a triumph of justice, she argues, is only possible when true equality is achieved — another notion suctioned of meaning by misuse and overuse, needful of redefinition:

Equality for the people means… that no personal merit or demerit can interfere between individuals, so that one may, by arbitration or laws, be placed unequally with another. It means that every individual is entitled to all the natural wealth that he or she requires to minister to the various wants of the body… It also means that every person is entitled to equal opportunity for intellectual acquirements, recreation and rest, since the first is necessary to make the performance of the individual’s share of duty possible; while the second and third are the natural requirements of the body, independent of the individuality of the person, and which was not self-created but inherited… And yet it should be the duty of government, since it is a fundamental portion of its theory, to maintain equality among the people; otherwise the word is but a mere catch, without the slightest signification in fact.

Having thus defined freedom and equality, she argues that the deepest meaning of justice is “to maintain equal conditions among free individuals.” A century and a half before America elected, twice, a horseman of capitalism as President, Woodhull indicts the market forces already pulsating beneath the young nation as the great enemy of freedom — a way of replacing one system of exploitation and enslavement with another, “still more insidious in its character, because more plausible.” With an eye to the income inequality such a system invariably creates, she writes:

If penury and want exist, accompanied by suffering and privation, under the rule of a monarch, he may justly be held responsible. But when it exists under the reign of freedom, there is no responsibility anywhere, unless it may be said to be in the people themselves, which is equivalent to saying responsibility without application.

Market capitalists, she argues, can only serve as ruling monarchs of this experiment in democracy by means of extreme manipulation of the people — a theater of freedom, in which we are cast as actors, only to find ourselves commodities. She indicts the railroads — the Big Tech of her day, the first great monopoly and the original social media — as a “system of huckstery” that makes magnates of middlemen. (What would Victoria Woodhull have made of the sovereignty we have willingly ceded to the Zuckerbergs and Musks of the world.) More than a century before Doris Lessing urged us to examine the prisons we choose to live inside, Woodhull takes a stance of extraordinary courage, even more countercultural today:

I would rather be the unwilling subject of an absolute monarch than the willing slave of my own ignorance, of which advantage is taken by those who spend their time in endeavoring to prove to me that I am free and in singing the glories of my condition, to hoodwink my reason and to blind my perception… That system of government by which it is possible for a class of people to practice upon my credulity, and, under false pretenses, first entice me to acquiesce in laws by which immense corporations and monopolies are established, and then to induce me to submit to their extortions because they exist according to law, pursuing none but lawful means, is an infernal despotism, compared to which the Russian Czar is a thousand times to be preferred.

At the heart of her far-seeing manifesto is the insistence that a truly just system of government can take root in the soul of a people, in the souls of all people, only when we cease prioritizing wealth over wisdom; only then may humanity “join in a common effort for the great political revolution, after the accomplishment of which the nations shall have cause to learn war no more.” She writes:

The impending revolution, then, will be the strife for the mastery between the authority, despotism, inequalities and injustices of the present, and freedom, equality and justice in their broad and perfect sense, based on the proposition that humanity is one, having a common origin, common interests and purposes, and inheriting a common destiny.

But this, she auguries, will not be a smooth transition from one world order to another. It will not come to pass without the requisite upheaval of truly transitional times:

No person who will take the trouble to carefully observe the conditions of the various departments of society can fail to discern the terrible earthquakes just ready to burst out upon every side, and which are only now restrained by the thick incrustations with which customs, prejudices and authorities have incased humanity. Indeed, the whole surface of humanity is surging like the billows of the stormy ocean, and it only escapes general and destructive rupture because its composition, like the consciences of its constituent members, is so elastic. But, anon, the restrained furies will overcome the temper of their fastenings, and, rending them asunder, will sweep over the people, submerging them or cleansing them of their gathered debris, as they shall have located themselves, with regard to its coming.

Days before the election, Woodhull was arrested on obscenity charges — her paper had published an exposé of the prominent minister Henry Ward Beecher’s affairs with too much detail for Victorian propriety standards. She was acquitted, but she was also disillusioned — the dream of a truly just America, she came to see, was premature, haunted by the nightmare of businessmen puppeteering politics and commodifying the commons. She eventually moved to England, where she continued lecturing on suffrage, became involved in education reform, helped establish a women’s aviation league, and founded a humanitarian magazine with her daughter Zula.

She never stood a chance, of course, in her time and place. But she opened the aperture of possibility, for a more possible future is only ever made by taking on what the present deems impossible.

Card from An Almanac of Birds: 100 Divinations for Uncertain Days, also available as a stand-alone print and as stationery cards, benefitting the Audubon Society.
BP

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